Marlborough 4WD Club
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  • In a lighter vein
    • Thoughts for the day
    • Are you a real offroader?
    • A treatise on the importance of smoke
    • Election manifesto
    • EU Bailout Economics
    • The white man's wisdom
    • Billy the Station Hand
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Some thoughts for the day, or the day after.

Here are a collection of quotes which I have unashamedly pinched, butchered, mutilated or just made up.  If you have any "thoughts" or "instructions" that you would like to add, please send them to me at The Webmaster
  • Never ask an offroader for directions if you're in a hurry to get there.
  • Experience is what you got when you didn't get what you wanted.
  • Most 4wd problems can be fixed by adjusting the nut between the steering wheel and the driving seat.
  • Everything on your truck should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler!
  • Real men don't read instructions...they are born with a silver spanner in their mouth so they know how to fix everything.
  • Another of the great mysteries of life. Where did that spanner go?  It was in my hand only a minute ago!
  • Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away
  • A bore is someone who persists in holding to his own views after we have enlightened him with ours.
  • It takes a woman 9 months to have a baby but you can't produce a baby in one month even if you have 9 women.
  • Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
  • Education is what remains after we haves forgotten what we learned in school.
  • Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
  • In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; in practice, there is.
  • Patience is something you admire in the guy behind you and curse in the one ahead.
  • It takes 9,842 bolts to assemble a truck, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.
  • You never really learn to swear until you take up offroading.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
  • When in doubt, throttle out!
  • When we commenced building this truck we started out with nothing and we still have most of it left.
  • Expect the worst and you won't be disappointed.
  • To finish first, first you must finish.
  • Strong, light, or cheap - you can only pick two.
  • If it ain't broke you haven't tried hard enough.
  • Little miscalculations often spoil great inventions.
  • If it jams, then force it.  If it breaks it probably needed fixing anyway.
  • Speed has never killed anyone.  Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.
  • Never stand behind the Devil in a Post Office, for the Devil takes many Forms.
  • When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  • After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
  • Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the most inaccessible corner.
  • Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
  • When you try to prove to someone that a thing won't work, it will.
  • The other line is always quicker, even if you change lines (applies equally to supermarkets and offroading)
  • The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
  • Computers save us time so we can do the things we wouldn't need to do if we didn't use computers.
  • It isn't what you don't know that makes you look a fool: it's what you do know that isn't so.
  • I spent most of my money on guns, booze, women and off-roading - the rest I wasted.
  • Do not argue with a fool. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • Remember, when seconds count . . . . the police are only minutes away

And some famous last words or instructions

  • You go first, it's barely over yer hubs.
  • Back up and give her plenty.
  • Why not? It's what Mike does!
  • Why not? It's what Craig does!
  • It doesn't look that deep.
  • Don't worry about that noise, it's nothing serious, just turn the stereo up.
  • You locked the hubs, didn't you?
  • OH, SHIT!
  • Just air down, you'll be fine.
  • She'll hold.  No sweat.
  • How much rope did you say you had on the drum?
  • Nah! I never use a snatch block.
  • Just hook it over the towball - she'll be right!
  • No worry, I can see wheel tracks exiting on the far bank.
  • Don't worry, it's just surface rust.
  • Don't sit on that ..... it's the winch remote!
  • What's this switch for, Dad?
  • I crossed here last month, no worry!
  • Water doesn't affect my brakes.
.
More seriously
  • Only the dead have seen the end of war (wrongly attributed to Plato)